"It was January 2022, I had sex with my husband after what felt like ages! As soon as we finished a thought crossed my mind that I might be ovulating. Fast forward 2 weeks and my period was late. I never thought I might be pregnant, so I didn’t even test at first. After 2 weeks of no period, I bought a test and tried it at work ... and I was pregnant.
I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I ran outside crying and called my husband to share the news. First thing I said was that I cannot do this, and I do not want another baby. We already have 2 children. The past 4 years were so difficult raising my little ones. I had just returned to work after a career break, and I was just about to start feeling like myself again after such a long time.
I went back to my desk and started researching abortion in Malta. I found a website Women Help Women who send abortion pills by mail against a donation. I didn’t know what to do. The only thing I knew was that I didn’t want another baby. I didn’t want to go through another pregnancy, childbirth and having a newborn all over again. That night I couldn’t sleep; all I could think of was that I didn’t want another baby. I knew I was being selfish but this time I wanted to think of myself. I paid the donation and ordered the pills in the middle of the night with my 2 children sleeping next to me. The next morning, I told my husband that I got my period, and the test was wrong.
What followed were 4 very long weeks of waiting for the pills. Mail services were highly impacted post-COVID. Everyday I used to go down to check my letter box in hope that the pills arrived. I had terrible nausea and exhaustion which I knew were pregnancy related but I couldn’t share with anyone. No one knew I was pregnant, and I didn’t want anyone to know. Not even my husband.
Finally, the pills arrived, and I took the first 2 pills next to the letter box, with just a sip of water which I had left in my bag. I was desperate to get it over and done with. The next day was a public holiday. We went out in the morning and in the afternoon once back home I had the other 2 pills while my husband and children were resting. I started contractions immediately and had to sit on the toilet until everything came out. I remember that it was as painful as labour. Once the pregnancy was terminated, I cried not with sadness but with relief that this whole ordeal was over.
Almost 3 years later my husband still doesn’t know that I aborted our third baby. Do I feel bad about lying to my husband? Yes! But this time I had to think of myself. I did not want another baby. I did not want to start all over again. I had to do something about it. And I did. And I felt relieved as soon as it happened.
I was always against abortion. Children are a beautiful gift. I adore my 2 kids; they are my life. I simply did not and do not want another baby. I am grateful that I found the help I needed and that I was brave enough to go through it alone."
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